Special Bulletin

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Many years ago, back when Dick Ballas was selling insurance in Gila Bend, he got a call from the company to go see about a customer having trouble at a garage in town. I was with Dick at that moment and together we went to investigate. As we came in, here was the customer, sweating volumes and stricken eyes watching the mechanic pass the long ruler over the open head of his motor. After Dick introduced himself the customer said: “He says I need to shave the head, do you know what he’s talking about?”

Dick said he knew all too well what shaving the head was all about, then did a double take after glancing at the ruler still in the mechanic’s hand. Then he spoke to the mechanic, “And I’ll tell you something..”

The mechanic began using his free hand to signal for Dick to keep quiet, but Dick — once started on a righteous course — was unstoppable. He slashed on. “That is an aluminum ruler and there is no way in the world you can get an accurate reading from an aluminum ruler off a hot head. It will warp every time.”

Prejudiced tools produce results that are prejudiced. Put a warped tool into anyone’s hands and they will get warped readings, every time. Three to four million U.S. schoolchildren are using the controversial stimulant Ritalin. What is the test being used for the diagnosis ADHD. One friend of ours said it was a five minute pencil twirling trick. If your child doesn’t like twirling pencils, your child becomes a statistic.

Here’s another test. Take a good look at this ink blot and ask yourself this: Is this thing going to

• hug you,
• bite you,
• stab you,
• suck you dry
• or hiss at you
  from a dark corner?

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Many of the tools used by psychiatrists are warped and potentially misleading. Tools like ink blots are especially dangerous as the results are not entirely susceptible to human frailties but prejudiced to begin with. Take a look at the one below. Think about their ink blots for just a second, and you’ll agree — their ink blots ARE prejudiced.

Here, try this experiment.. Lay any dozen of their ink blots down in front of you at one time and see what similarities you find that they all have in common..

1. They are black
2. Dark
3. Evil
4. Shadowy
5. Fuzzy
6. Strange

Let me ask you this,

Is there even one of these similarities that
makes you raise your voice in gladsome song?

Prejudiced tools produce results that are prejudiced. This prejudice is inexcusable. The good and noble thoughts of man should be allowed the chance of discovery and expression too. You don’t see ad writers splashing dark gruesome images across the television screen when they want to sell product. No, no, these amateurs know enough psychology to realize that all it takes is a little bit of color to make even the worst of products look good. In the past they have learned to use bright layouts and psuedo-comforting words like: “Not a cough in a carload” that persuaded hundreds of thousands of impressionable people that smoking was not only safe but wonderful. They invited doctors in their starched, white frocks — to speak with the authority of priests representing the healing forces to reassure the American public that smoking was okay.

If bright colors and clean layouts can produce sales of destructive products protected by the ATF then it is just as true that dank, dark colors and fuzzy layouts can produce warped thoughts that are not bright and cheerful.

Black Ink Blots Are Prejudiced.
They are prejudiced against bright, cheerful thoughts.
Even in the best of circumstances
black colors tend to darken the mind.

So, why do psychiatrists insist
on using BLACK ink blots?

Dark thoughts are unhealthy.

This world does not need more people with unhealthy minds.

If psychiatrists want to play fair, they can at least insert a few bright colors amongst their dank, dark ink blots and say: “What joyful scenes do these blots remind you of?

“Why, Doc,
“suddenly they look like cute little rabbits
“and they are having the time of their lives!

“Look at them laugh at each other.
“Do you think they might be telling funny bunny jokes?
“Hey, look! “My thoughts are CLEAN!”
“My mind is pure and uh, uh, I feel great!
“wonderful,
“HOW did you ever switch me over to radiant happiness –”

Before picking up their license (which beginners can now pick up at home) psychiatrists should have studied enough psychology to know it has been proven repeatedly that brighter colors invite happier thoughts, while darker colors are prejudiced to helping patients worry about:

what’s hiding under their bed,
in their closet,
behind the shower curtains –
and what they might be stepping on next —

I remember taking one patient in twenty years ago for psychiatric examination at his request. Suddenly the examining nurse is screaming and, fearing the worst, I jerked the door open and went in to her rescue. Her back was against the wall and she was trembling. My Church friend was sitting at his desk, many feet away from her and as puzzled as I was. “What’s wrong?” I asked the nurse.

With tears in her eyes she explained the source of her terror… “He believes in Godddd!”

Now, before YOU too jump to any prejudiced conclusions, this was twenty years ago and one of my Church friends was the President of the American Association of Psychiatrists. My point being that if a doctor of psychiatry known for his religious views can be president of a large group of psychiatrists then surely being terrified of anyone that believes in God is not a universal handicap in that profession. But the fact remains THAT nurse was, Nor is it at all unlikely that she picked up her prejudice from the study of psychiatry.

I don’t know of any religions that have a problem with their members going to see a psychiatrist if they feel it is necessary. But psychiatry sure seems to have a problem with religion. The father of that field was bad-mouthing religion right up until the time he was stopped by cancer of the palate.

Psychiatry is wobbly enough without doctors of medicine thinking psychiatry is so simple they can practice it without a license. Even worse are the school teachers and social workers that think THEY have been so well trained in the field that singling out the next sacrificial victim is one of their hereditary rights.  “If parents refuse to take children to get him on drugs, child protective services can charge them for neglecting his educational and emotional needs.”

Parents receiving welfare money from the government can get additional funds for every child that they have labeled and drugged. Schools receive additional money from state and federal government for every child labeled and drugged. Labeling your child with ADHD, you are actually labeling them with a mental illness listed in the DSM-IV. Amateur psychiatrists, posing as disinterested but helpful teachers are usually the ones that make sure the test is given for their problem children.

The school where my grand daughter is enrolled is moving heaven and earth to get her labeled as ‘disabled’ and hinting that her parents can receive extra money if she is labeled as ‘disabled’.  Almost every day the teacher or social worker is phoning with more bad news, and yet the child is perfectly happy here at the ranch and displays none of the behavior attributed to her by these ‘experts.’  Observant parents of other children notice the same, strange metamorphis of their children when taken away from these strange teachers for a little while.

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Dark colors produce dark thoughts.
Dark thoughts are known to produce dark feelings of guilt.
Dwelling on these dark feelings are enough to frighten anyone.
Yet, if you visit the office of a successful psychiatrist you will
be greeted with a somber, drab, faceless, dark atmosphere.
Are they trying to tell us something about the purpose of their trade?

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Do you know what happens to a psychiatrist that wakes up with a sense of humor?
S/He becomes a funeral director, where their smiles won’t be so out of place.

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Think about it.. Most people go see a psychiatrist the first time with just a little problem, and before a month has gone by they can’t even take a shower by themselves unless they have popped a puny little $64.00 pill their psychiatrist insists is going to help them, someday soon. How many patients do you know that have been seeking psychiatric help for forty years or more, and need more help than ever? If they ever can’t afford their mind-benders, their whole world comes apart, in tiny little fragments. I don’t know how many I’ve had to bundle up and hurry them to the hospital so they could get another fix.

Shouldn’t the goal be to produce happy, confident people that don’t need another addiction? If psychiatrists want their patients to feel better they can start by making their offices look bright, and cheerful, a delight to be in.  How about a smile of welcome instead of a glassy eyed stare? How about throwing out some ink blots of cheerful colors to balance out those prejudiced, dark, somber, black ink spots?

HELP IS ON THE WAY. Click HERE to make your own good, clean ink blots.

Hand one to the psychiatrist and ask — “Do you see anything funny in this ink blot, doc?”

If you are successful at making a psychiatrist smile, please let me know.

Something Wicked this way comes. I remember the words and the book, but not the author.

I was thinking about that title yesterday when I was sitting in a group of men and women, from all walks of life, joined together by happenstance. The television blurted on and every head turned to watch the President defend his decision to pay off $700 billion in an effort to boost the economy. His decision was made “for your good.”

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Optimists that are never right
are happier than pessimists
that are never wrong.

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I glanced around the room to see how the rest of the group was responding. There were scowls on every face and many lips were mumbling. I addressed a man directly opposite of me.. “What are you saying?”

“I said he wasn’t doing it for MY good.”

And Boy, the dam broke. One after another, up they spoke in bitter denunciation.

“Congress squabbled for 50 years over a simple water rights issue and never resolved it, but now they swear they can get the facts and figures needed to fix this problem in two days?”

“Yeah, they told us just weeks ago that everything was fine — so they are either lying, or stupid. If they were lying then they still are; and if they still — ”

“ARE! But, you know what really scares me is his promise that things will get back to normal. I don’t want them normal, I want them right.”

“You don’t just wake up one morning and say, Hey, I need to see the President; I’m bankrupt.”

“Did you hear him say this wasn’t even going to raise our taxes? How many times in the past 90 years have we heard that?”

“And fell for it. Did you see that, that Black Caucus Leader in Congress speaking? He’s the only one making any sense!”

“He was making a LOT of sense, how come we’re not running HIM for President? How do we get stuck with these — ” he sputtered to a stop, at a loss for words that could be used in a mixed public.

“Both of them picked out better people for Vice President than we picked out for President.”

As each comment was voiced there were confirmations from every side. Then some spoil sport asked:”Does anybody know who Bush’s Vice President is?”

The room fell silent. No one knew the answer, and the television — droned on.

United

We Almost Stand a Chance!

Any way you want to look at it, this package is just not right. The American people know it. All across the web you hear the muttering and see the disgust. Something wicked has done got here. To straighten this mess out we need to vote everybody in Congress, out of Congress — except maybe that Black Caucus Leader.

That isn’t going to happen, so what CAN we do?

Considering the date, the first thing we should realize is that this next President will be the target of all the abuse and ill natured feelings of the American People. It will be a dirty, rotten job and WE must vote to decide which one of these heroic volunteers can handle the calumny best, because it is coming.

Next, let’s remember just how many friends and family members were saved from losing their life’s savings because this Band-Aid was applied. Sure, it would have been sweeter if a bunch of crooks and opportunitists hadn’t been saved in the process, but the deal is done so let’s sweep it all under the carpet.

Next, get our finances in order, tighten our belts before we have to.

The billboard of a church said, “Come in and pray today, beat the Christmas rush.” That is good advice, increased church attendance and regular Scripture reading. Like it or not, there is a God. If He can’t get our attention with a few hurricanes and financial debacles then earthquakes and volcanoes are next on the agenda.

Inasmuch as you are able, get a garden going.  Live within your means, never ever buy on credit and pay your bills on time.  If you have more than you need, use your excess to feed the hungry and clothe the naked.

As a young man I read a science fiction story about a future world where advertising was the predominant feature of society. Everywhere you looked, advertising was looking back at you, and it was so effective that half the people on earth were impoverished because they bought more than they could afford. Oh how I loved reading about the crackpot ideas those early science fiction writers came up with. However when that science fiction story was first published I could put all my belongings on my back and hike out, whereas today I need a 2700 square foot house just to contain my personal belongings, then there are those little toys outside the house that EVERY American NEEDS! Then there is all that stuff at my other house — not that advertising had anything to do with any of my purchases, of course.

Oh sure, any time I have seen one of those wonderful, colorful, exciting ads displayed on the side panels of U-Haul trucks I want to get close enough to see what destination is now being featured. Many times I even go there, not that the U-Haul advertising had anything to do with that decision either. Even though the last 5 times I moved bag and baggage I did lease the biggest and best that U-Haul offered, however I guarantee that decision was always reached AFTER a thorough investigation of the merits of U-Haul’s current competition.

Today I realize that Life is a Bummer — without good advertising to revel in.

My love affair with good advertising began long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, in fact I wasn’t even born yet — but I do like to start a story out at its very beginning. One of the first (of many) peculiarities ascribed to me was that even as a child I loved hearing about Quaker Puffed Wheat and Quaker Puffed Rice, the cereals shot from guns — but in my own defense I must add that was only if we got right back to Sergeant Preston of the Yukon and his lead dog King.

Nevertheless, for many years now I have noticed that I prefer watching the commercials to watching the shows provided on the television sets of friends, and I’m still not particularly impoverished like some people I know that can’t even stand the commercials. Many times I have wondered if they have spent 92% of their spendable income on these little gadgets that zap commercials into next week. There must be a moral there somewhere.

Feeble-minded souls of that other preference will be shocked to learn that there is a growing trend towards plastering cheap airline cabin walls with advertising. I think that the original idea was just to slow the drafts down a little bit, but you know how these things grow on you, like bill boards sprouting up alongside a new freeway. Today these onboard ancillary ads generate about $20 million a year.

Make SURE your family has all
the insurance protection it needs.
Compare what you have to pay now
with the family-friendly values we find.
See for yourself if your savings don’t
average 46% better than what you expect.

Now that they are getting paid to plaster these ads on cabin walls you can bet they aren’t going away any time soon. In fact, Terry Trippler, an aviation consultant who runs the travel advisory website tripplertravel.com — one of MY competitors — has recently been quoted as saying: “I could picture an airplane looking like a NASCAR,”

Uh, you should know what a NASCAR is even if you don’t like advertising. It’s one of those racing stock cars that are smothered with so many different logos from sponsors that you can look for ten years before realizing there is a car under there somewhere.

Some descendant of an early day science fiction writer said: “It’s not out of the question that we may one day see a Target logo on the nose” of airplanes coming in for a landing at an airport near you, packed with consumers yearning for the next big sale.

Plastering the cabin walls with cheap advertising — wait a minute, I got that wrong. — Plastering the cheap airline’s cabin walls with advertising has proven to be so profitable that now cheap airline cabins are also sprouting ads on tray tables and on cocktail napkins.

This may be a step too far gone. Skybus Airlines, which only coincidentally went out of business this year, even sold space on the uniforms of its flight attendants. What probably killed the company off (in my humble opinion) was that It was also decorating the outside of its planes with (non Target) ads.

U-Haul type advertising on the outside is a long shot different than being locked up for six hours inside a cheap airline cabin with wall to wall advertising while on a transcontinental airplane ride. I can just imagine petty suspicions exploding on every side of the aisle with every unavoidable delay. “They are going to keep us in here until we buy something!”

But no,,, Spokeswoman for Spirit Airlines Inc., a low-cost carrier based in Miramar, Fla. — Misty Pinson — has flown out of her way to say: “They (customers of the company) say that if this is a way to keep airfares low, they’re all for it.” She added: “Passengers that fly with Spirit have come to love the low fares we offer, and this is a way to offer those fares in tough economic times,”

So there you have proof of how well good advertising works: “CHEAP” advertising beats “TOUGH” economic times, even in the REAL world invented by an early day science fiction writer.

A pair of friends came to visit so we led them over to Lover’s Leap. After they had marveled long and hard, they wanted to know if any dead lovers were to be found at the bottom of the cliff so we helped them plant their feet solidly on Lover’s Lane Trail. When they came back up Susan was puffing like a locomotive because she is a dedicated smoker.  We suggested she make the purchase of a walking stick. “A walking stick? I thought that was just for old crippled people!”

We didn’t point out how smoothly she fit into that niche because actually, walking sticks are for the young at heart. One year we made eight eagle scouts in one ceremony and every one of them had their own personal walking stick; They needed a walking stick to keep up with the old scoutmaster on the most treacherous trails.

My favorite walking stick is so ugly it will never get stolen. It is just barely shoulder high, but it has a cane-type head on it that I use a lot because my thumb fits right in the notch between the column and the curve. I forget what kind of wood I made it out of, it’s been with me for so long. My next-door neighbor gave me one that would have cost more than a hundred dollars if I had been forced to buy it. I can’t stand the thing, but I don’t want him to know that. When we go out walking together I dig his stick out and let him praise it for me all over again. Sometimes I wonder if he is hinting for a sale.

The first time after my stroke that I was able to walk 3.2 miles without stopping one of my daughters bought an expensive walking stick for me, and now my old favorite is laid aside. I’m deathly afraid the beaver will eat it because it is soaked with many years of salt from the love and sweat I’ve given it. This new walking stick is nose high tall and there is no convenient place to grab it by one hand in an emergency. With two hands I can stick that ground tip inside a rattler’s inner coil and flip that sucker 30 feet out into the wild blue yonder so fast he’s still rattling when he goes over Lover’s Leap. Of course, the final distance a rattle snake sails depends on whether it is flying first class or coach.

The new stick is good for swishing the grass that is growing under my feet, and for bringing down pears that haven’t decided to drop yet. As winter approaches I will also use it for jabbing sleeping bears in the ribs to see if they are dead or alive. It is important to know their present state before I start cooking.

Bears are a growing problem. Some bears in this neck of the woods have grown to be seven feet tall. Tell one of them you are the big bull of these woods and they are liable to eat you alive.

Etiquette I stick to when meeting a live bear on the trail.

Rule #1: Do not roar at a bear, trying to scare it out of your way. My tactic is to reverently and meekly step back out of sight. Then, if I don’t hear anything wicked my way coming I continue on little cat’s feet putting distance between me and my adversary. So, roaring is out. Snarling looks less likely to succeed every day. We haven’t heard back yet from the guy that suggested that snarling viciously deep in his throat would send bears packing for home every time. He’s only been missing for two weeks though, and may show back up any minute now to prove his point. Until he does return, I suggest you leave snarling as one of your last defensive resorts.

Rule #2: If you meet a bear face to face on the trail and it is just as surprised as you are, the bear has the right of way. It doesn’t matter which way it wants to go, that bear is right. Shrink back like a little lily and try to pretend you’re just a pretty little wall flower. If that bear just happens to outweigh you by 40 pounds or more you should probably consider pretending it is surprised and graciously give it the right of way anyway. Try doffing your hat slowly and respectfully as ab invitation for the bear to go anywhere in the world but there.

Rule #3: if the bear is already furious about something and leaps to attack you, then turning to run is like turning your back to the smiters. That bear has a clear view of your back end it comes fully equipped to rip your back end to shreds, and you won’t even see it coming. Even if you get a good running start, bears have been known to win races with race horses racing madly for their lives and may duplicate the feat just to prove this is not a myth.

Your walking stick can come in handy if the bear is barely civil. At this point I must get technical with you. The word “oblique” indicates a direction roughly half way to a right angle turn. Professional soldiers can respond to a left oblique turn and to a right oblique turn in their sleep, but this is no time for you to nod off.

Your attacking bear is expecting you to do an about face, which gives it a chance to crush your skull with one clap of its mighty paws. Rushing the bear as if seeking an opportunity for engaging in mouth-to-mouth combat will confuse the bear for just a second; Moving forward quickly but in a right oblique direction will force the bear to readjust to exactly where you have gone, and ask itself why you went there.

In a code red situation the bear will decide to rush you in the new position. Counter this move with a left oblique to the rear and then move forward in another left oblique. The bear should do a double-take at this latest movement and its paws will pause. As Sir Bruin’s brain to ponder what is going on now crack your walking stick right over the bear’s snout. Aim for the sensitive nose only if you are a black belt. Striking anywhere on the snout should produce a startled yelp.

This is the time to raise your sinister hand high over your head and wiggle your fingers. If you have had time to grab something shiny, wiggle it instead. If his gaze switches that way, do a right oblique to the rear movement. If the bear is so confused that it moves off away from you, let it go.

Unfortunately, the bear will probably choose to attack you on the theory that the best way to win any battle is to punch it out with the enemy. If the bear rears up on two legs on attack then immediately shoot your stick forward between the bear’s legs and rake it sharply upward (using two hands to provide added force at the point of contact. If the bear reacts by striking the stick to one side it will strike him on the inside of the opposite leg. This is a plus for you as the bear can strike much harder than you can.

Now jerk the stick back to you, still using both hands, then plunge the end of it into the bear’s groin as if it had a sharp point on it. The bear will get the short end of the stick again if it slaps at the walking stick.

Do no succumb to the temptation to strike for the bear’s rib cage. “Lead me not into temptation” is about where your prayer should be at this moment. Where you should really strike for attention is right at the base of the throat, just above the breast bone. Striking a little bit too high is much better than striking a little bit too low. If the bear is rushing you with its mouth slobbering wide open try to drive your walking stick right through the bottom of the mouth and into the base of the throat. If the stick does not penetrate through the bottom of the mouth, rap it upwards sharply and withdraw your stick.

At close range now, yes, do strike for the eyes with your stick, at the same time do a left oblique movement to the rear and aim for the eyes again. Until the bear turns to run for its life, keep attacking, in oblique forward movements that give you a new angle of attack. Watch for any opportunity of moving yourself safely out of the bear’s reach, a cavity in a rock, a convenient tree trunk to get behind. Do not drop your walking stick for any reason. If you can’t take it with you, don’t go.

Bears like to think of themselves as the hammer, not the anvil. All this rapping and tapping on the bear’s sensitive ego may send it scurrying home for a bigger hammer. Your brain is allegedly bigger than the bear’s brain; don’t be there to argue the point when the bear comes back.